Why Self-Esteem Sucks, and Why You Do not Need It
Feel the need for self-improvement? Forget it! Cultivating self-compassion is more powerful than self-esteem, and here’s why.
Having high self-esteem is a good thing, right? At minimal that is what most of us believe. This is what many of us wish for. What we don’t realize, however, is that high self-esteem can lead to many negative qualities such as narcissism, perfectionism, pride, overinflated ego, difficulty receiving constructive criticism, desire to always feel special and accepted, misery and the list goes on.
The problem is being on that pedestal is hard, and there will always be someone better than us. Whether they’re smarter, prettier, wittier, or more charming, they’ll be there. We can only be above average at certain things, some of the time, and self-esteem is really about our belief that we are totally above average all the time.
When we have this belief in ourselves, we become treadmill rats, constantly seeking validation of our strengths and abilities. We become fragile – hard and brittle! We can’t always be exceptional or above average at everything. Why put yourself through this when the fact that we are all vulnerable and imperfect doesn’t make the world a better place?
Then there’s another way – self-compassion!
We want:
Stop Cursing Yourself – Judging, Evaluating, and Evaluating Yourself Globally
Stop turning healthy desires and desires into destructive necessities.
Treat yourself with kindness, self-compassion, and compassion
How do we do this?
Accept yourself fully with a non-judgmental, open heart, and treat yourself with the same care, kindness, and compassion that we treat our friends and even strangers! We cannot grow if we do not acknowledge our flaws.
Unlike self-esteem, self-compassion is not a relentless pursuit. This is an effective way to achieve emotional well-being and fulfillment in our lives. This helps us avoid harmful patterns of fear, negativity, and isolation. The cultivated quality of self-compassion also allows us to flourish, appreciating the beauty and abundance of life even in trying times. When we use self-compassion to soothe our troubled hearts, we are more able to think about what is right and what is wrong in our lives. Through this, we become more capable of orienting ourselves to the things that bring us joy.
In the words of Albert Ellis, Living and enjoying, not judging yourself, is the essence of life. Self-esteem creates you constantly dependent on the approval of others. We know it is negative. Start developing self-compassion today by following these simple steps.
- Think of a difficult and stressful situation in your life.
- Think back to the situation and see if you could feel the physical stress and emotional discomfort.
- Say to yourself now, This is a painful time.
This acknowledgment is a form of mindfulness—just noticing what is happening to your emotions at the moment without judging whether the experience is good or bad. You can also say to yourself, this gash. Use whatever ascertain feels most natural to you.
- Next say to yourself Suffering is a part of life.
It’s an acknowledgment of your shared humanity with others—all people have tried experiences that give you something in common with other people, rather than labeling you as abnormal or flawed. Other options for the statement include others feeling this way, I’m not alone, or We all struggle in life.
- Now, place your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your chest, and say, I can be kind to myself.
It’s a way of expressing self-kindness. You can also consider whether there is another specific phrase that speaks to you in that particular situation. Some examples: I can give myself the compassion I need, I can accept myself, I can learn to accept myself, I can forgive myself, I can be strong, and “Be patient.
This practice can be practiced at any time of the day or night. If you practice it in moments of relative calm, it may be easier for you to experience the three components of self-compassion—mindfulness, universal humanity, and self-kindness—when you need it most.
Why try?
Difficult situations are made more difficult when we beat ourselves up in difficult situations, interpreting it as a sign that we are less capable or worthwhile than other people. We often judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others, especially when we make a mistake or are stressed out. It makes us feel lonely, unhappy, and even more stressed; it may even make us try to make ourselves feel better by decrying others.
A better response than harsh self-criticism is to treat yourself with compassion and understanding. According to psychologist Kristin Neff, this self-compassion has three main components mindfulness, a sense of shared humanity, and self-kindness. This exercise guides you through all three of these components when you’re experiencing stress. Research shows that people who treat themselves with compassion rather than criticism during difficult times experience better physical and mental health.
Why it works
The three elements of this practice mindfulness, universal humanity, and self-kindness all play an important role in increasing self-compassion. Mindfulness allows people to step back and recognize that they are experiencing pain without judging that pain as something bad they should try to avoid; sometimes people do not notice when they are in pain or deny that they are suffering because it brings Feelings of weakness or failure. Shared humanity reminds people of their connection to other human beings – all suffer at some point in their lives – and alleviates feelings of loneliness and isolation. Being kind to yourself is a positive expression of caring about yourself and can help people clarify their intentions about how they want to be treated.
Coping with stressful experiences by taking these steps can help people replace their self-critical voice with a more compassionate voice that comforts and reassures them rather than blaming them for their flaws. This makes it easier to overcome stress and reach a state of calm, acceptance, and happiness.
To sum it up Recognize that it is okay to fall on your face. Accept yourself and realize that the world is full of unique talents and you are one of them!
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